Day 16

As you can tell, I've been slacking on the writing. Though I have not exactly been slacking on being healthy.  My long weekend was characterized by good food, family and friends.  Not a lot of exercising but I only gained 3 pounds.  I have since lost 2 so I haven't been worrying too much.  I honestly feel as though this is getting easier.  I ate very well today but didn't exercise.  I have a heel spur and I am trying to rest it as much as I can and the rain boots I wore today on my errands didn't help.  So I couldn't do my time on the treadmill..  I'll try my best to keep up with the blog but seeing as I have my first experience with college finals in two weeks, you'll have to bear with me!

Day 10

Nine pound loss! Woot! Can you tell I'm feeling good?  I just had some garlic hummus with pita chips and celery for a little lunch before I go do 30 minutes on the treadmill.  Gotta keep up with the exercise so I don't gain any weight over this holiday.  I feel as though this might be getting easier.  So the plan for turkey day tomorrow is to get up and immediately do 30 on the treadmill and then head to eric's family's house for food!  I want to be able to eat without feeling guilty.  Especially since we will be having another meal on friday and the n saturday is my friend's baby shower.  Food everywhere this weekend!  Wish me luck!

Day 8

So I took the weekend off of blogging but I stayed true to eating right!  I'm really quite proud of myself.  I weighed myself this morning and so far I have lost 7 pounds!  Definitely made my day.  I know this won't hold true every week but I feel like I'm making real progress. I'm a little worried about turkey day though.  I'm actually having two thanksgivings.  One on thursday with eric's family and one on friday with my family.  I don't really want to go overboard two days in a row so I'm going to limit myself on thursday because friday I will be making all my favorites.  I'm feeling good, I hope it stays the week!

Day 5

Today was a real test for me.  I'm visiting my family and breaking out of my routine. I almost don't know if I can classify today as a success or a failure. All I ate today was cereal and fajitas at a local mexican restaurant.  I stayed away from the refried beans and cheese, sour cream and rice but I did eat the chips and salsa and flour tortillas with my fajitas.  I still don't really think this was a healthy day.  But tomorrow my sister is making me veggie pizza and hopefully I can continue refraining from shit food.  Yesterday i thought I had the cravings beat but I spoke too soon.  Last night I couldn't stop thinking of a nice cold piece of pumpkin pie.  If there had been some in my fridge I probably would have dragged my ass out of bed and eaten a whole pie.  It's frustrating!  And to top it off, I had a horrible dream that I ate a ton of shit food and couldn't stop!  I tried not to let it get to me today though.  I didn't agonize about eating the mexican food as much as I would have in the past.  I just did my best to eat as healthily as possible.  I'm slowly realizing that's all I can do.  Am I becoming more mature concerning food?  I certainly hope so. 

Day 4

I'm happy to say I have had no cravings today.  It feels good.  I made a nice healthy dinner of whole wheat spaghetti, homemade tomato sauce, and lots of veggies.  I sauteed onions, mushrooms, red, green and orange peppers in a little bit of olive oil.  I don't know if it was because I was hungry, but it was delicious.  It's nice to feel hungry again.  Letting myself get hungry before eating is something so foreign.  It's been too long since I actually felt real hunger.  That thought alone is enough to keep me on track.  Such a first world problem and its ridiculous.  I still can't say I like exercising though.  I did 20 minutes on the treadmill at my apartments gym.  It was entirely too cold to walk, which happens to be my preferred exercise.  The treadmill is boring but at least I have a place to exercise inside.  Wish I could find my Biggest Loser dvd though!  I know I'll find it someday but I may break down and buy another before then.  It is a great dvd.  I've been looking online and found so many recipes to try.  Skinny Crock Pot is a good site as is SkinnyTaste.  I resisted the urge to weigh myself today.  I don't want the scale to be the end all and be all of my life.  Don't get me wrong, when I see that number go lower I'm going to be happy.  But I need to keep reminding myself that my ultimate goal is health!

Day 3

As I'm driving to school this morning I could not stop thinking about how badly I wanted an egg McMuffin.  And this was AFTER I had already eaten breakfast.  Now I know its only been three days but I wish these intense cravings would go away.    I've always wondering if hypnotherapy would work. At this point, I would definitely try it.  Maybe I should try some aversion therapy.  I bet I could scrounge up a rubberband somewhere in my house and snap it on my wrist. I'm using this nifty app called My Fitness Pal to record my food intake and exercise.  I like it because it doesn't just show me the calories but the sodium, cholesterol, sugars, protein, etc. Which brings me to my current train of thought.  It is so very difficult and expensive to eat well in this country.  I now know that I need to purchase as much frozen veggies as possible.  Canned is ridiculously bad sodium wise. And there is sugar in everything!  I love cold cereal, always have.  But I'm going to have to pick my battles with that too.  I've already determined that I will have to make my own oatmeal.  The stuff in the packets (that I also love) is not even remotely healthy.  It is no wonder this country has an obesity epidemic.  It is so easy to eat those so called "convenience foods".  It guess the saying "if its too good to be true" could accurately describe this phenomenon.  My sister has my bread machine and I think I will try my hand at bread making soon.  I've also become this obsessive label reader.  I don't think this is bad but more often than not I put the product back on the shelf.  I could go on and on about the food issues in this country but I think I'll save this for another day as it only depresses me.  I felt pretty good today and I don't want to ruin it.  I couldn't help myself this morning and stepped on the scale.  I've lost 3 pounds so far, which undoubtedly influenced my positive mood! I walked my normal route around campus, stepping up the pace a little more.  Of course I also took the stairs to the fifth level of the parking garage.  I'll be glad when I start to get into shape!  And to all my lovelies who read this and shower me with your support, you mean the world to me!  I couldn't do it without you guys and I wouldn't want to!

Day 2

I'm so angry at myself today.  How did I let my weight get so out of control?  Again.  I have struggled with my weight since high school.  I'm 28 years old, you'd think I would have learned. I had an interview today at a clothing store.  I just kept thinking "will all they see this fat girl?"  I know its irrational but I can't help it.  I have another interview on Thursday so hopefully my personality won them over. I had a bowl of Crispix this morning because I still really need to go to the store.  Since we are low on the cash end, Eric and I are going to Aldis later. I'm about to make a new playlist and do 20 minutes of the Biggest Loser Cardio Max dvd.  I'm hoping the endorphins will perk up my mood.  I have to say though that all the feedback I have been getting from my friends is really helping.  I couldn't do it without you guys.  Especially Eric.  He has always been there for me with absolutely no judgement. I don't know what I would do without him.  He even puts up with me when I yell at him.  Which I did earlier.  I looked everywhere and could not find my dvd.  It wasn't in the case and nowhere else to be found. Sooooo, I ending up walking our dog Roosevelt around our apartment complex a couple of times.  There is also a small gym here that I will probably use when it gets colder out.  After the store, I had the same dinner as last night. I bought a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables. Eric is going to get a movie and I'll probably snack on popcorn again.  This day was a little better but it's still a struggle.  I wanted to eat all the cookies at Aldi.  I wonder if that feeling will ever go away.

Day 1

I'm writing this throughout my day today.  I feel if I leave it for the end of the day I won't do it at all.  I'm honestly surprised I woke up feeling motivated.  I still constantly think about food, but I'm ready to do this.  Today is one of my school days.  I generally walk a mile around campus throughout the day. I always park in the parking garage and today I'm on the 4th level.  My goal for today is to take the stairs after school.  Breakfast today was two scrambled eggs with a splash of milk, an english muffin and a small glass of cranberry juice. I've brought an apple and a protein bar to eat at school.  It is so expensive to eat well in this country.  I also have not made it to the grocery yet, so I'm subsisting on food I already have.  I'm using an app on my iphone to track my exercise and food. I ate during math and took the stairs to get something out of my car for a friend.  So I'll be getting a little more exercise then planned as I will have to climb the stairs again after my last class.
Here is a picture of me at my lowest and another of picture of me at my (current) highest.

Drastic change, isn't it?  So if the scale and my general health wasn't enough of a wake up call, I think these pictures are.  I feel like crap.  I'm cranky and emotional.  Thankfully I have a great support system.  My sister and my wonderful friend Jayme (that beautiful bride above!) are my biggest fans!  I've also told my friends at school, hoping it will keep me motivated even more. I'm not the best writer.  I'm not doing this to be famous.  I just want to keep myself accountable.  I love life and I do not want it to end early because of my weight. Dinner tonight was a chicken breast and lots of steamed broccoli.  I am going to attempt to not eat after 10pm tonight, since I usually go to bed around 2am.   It was an interesting first day. I still a little emotional but I'm slowly feeling better!

Day 0

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.  I've been able to joke about it for a long time.  I'm addicted to food.  Hi.  I've come to realize for a long time that I have a problem. My scales says 290.  My highest weight yet. I am so unhealthy at this point in my 28 years of life that I have high blood pressure, which gives me headaches and dizziness.  Normally that is dangerous for anybody, but I just so happen to have kidney disease running rampantly in my family.  I bet you're thinking "oh yea, she's definitely got a problem".  So in addition to just feeling lousy by this obscene number on the scale, being this overweight brings with it a myriad of other embarrassments.  I am always hot and sweat like a whore in church. My thighs chafe miserably when its hot out.  Most of my clothes don't fit because I am too stubborn to buy new (bigger) ones.  I'm sorry but being unhealthy is not attractive. No one looks good round.  Its not about being skinny, its about being healthy.  My lowest weight was 170 and at 5 feet 9 inches, I was totally ok with that.  I don't generally like to write.  In fact, I hate it.  But i decided that something has to be done.  I have yo-yoyed too much with my weight.  Something has to keep me on track. Thus the attempt at blogging.  I must stop this vicious cycle.  Being healthy is a way of life, a diet isn't.  I'm not going to call this a diet, this will be a lifestyle change.  So, tomorrow I will give up all processed junk (my kryptonite).  I will post a picture of myself at my friend's wedding last weekend.  I will chronicle my daily exercise and general food intake.  No calorie counting, just sensible healthy eating. I'm getting off my ass and doing more than walking around my college campus two days a week.I have a feeling that this will be like breaking the addiction to nicotine. I quit smoking over a year ago and vividly remember the withdrawal.  7 years is not something easily gotten back.  Something else I didn't do was watch what I ate.  I'm pretty sure Freud would say I had an oral fixation.  Can't you tell I'm taking psych this semester?  So Day 1 will be November 14th, 2011.  Wish me luck.